B3.6.20.17, The perspective time brings

Anonymity be my name
B3.6.20.17, The perspective time brings

Today was my 41st birthday, felt very much like my 40th birthday as it goes but not much like my 31st. It is quite incredible how time passess with very little change from one year to the next but when you stack the years together the change becomes vast. In the small moments where things change and the big ones I’m not thinking this will become a memory or I’ll never remember today again but some become memories and some do not. Why is it I can remember some things that happened to me at 3 and not remember years between 3 and 5 or 6? Time is magic i’m convinced.

Today I awoke from a bizarre dream about live zombies - I have no idea where the idea came from. But I did something differently this morning, I paused before bed and wrote down some notes. Then later in the day when I had a few minutes I started taking those notes and expanding them into the beginnings of a story. How cool is it that a week ago I hadn’t written anything in months and before that years and now I’ve written every day for 4 days in a row and am loving it. Will I now finally at 41 become the writer I’ve always wanted to be or will this be something I set down and stop doing. Only time will tell, see magic!

In conversation today I had a realization that may be common place to others but was a big ah ha to me - I plan for trips, I plan for business meetings and projects, I plan for bills and household needs but when engaging with my family I don’t spend a lot of time being intentional or planning how I want to spend the time or what I want to bring to the interaction. Why would I spend time planning for so many other things that are so much less important than my family but not plan or pause to prepare for interactions with those who are most important to me. This hopefully will become a turning point where I become more intentional with my family and it may not. I may completely forget about this thought and fall back into my habits and a year from now things may be relatively the same.

Because we rarely know in the moment when we are making memories and life changing decisions that they truly are life changing shouldn’t we treat every moment like it will be a memory and life changing? Why not be present in everything we are doing now instead of selling off part of our experience to other distractions like our phones, TV, Facebook or other less valuable distractions.

It just takes a second for everything to be changed. Last night a tree fell near my house but it didn’t land on my vehicle or home but simply very close. It is a place my children sometimes play and I sometimes work, if it had been daylight i could have lost a family member. You never know when something so incredibly random can change your life forever, so shouldn’t you take every moment like it could change? Shouldn’t we be savoring life rather than treating it like we have time to spend, throw away or waste?

Today on my 41st birthday my mortality and life expectancy is coming to mind. The average life expectancy for women today in America is 79 years old. Technically then I’ve already lived more than half of my life, however it all seemed to go by quickly and things 20 years ago still feel like they just happened. How much more quickly will time progress for my next 40 years if I’m lucky to get them? Will I get to see my 2 year old daughter grow up, go to college, start her career and have children? What will my now 14 year old daughter be doing in 40 years when she is 54?  What will she have done? Will I get to see my youngest daughter reach my age now? When I add this perspective it makes me even more invested in savoring my todays.


Good night blog reading community or no one… Thank you for your very precious time in reading my thoughts.

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