B4.6.29.17, Mood Swings Suck

I really don’t understand my body chemistry. Each month the mood swings enter into my body and I feel during that time horrible. I feel almost like a different person. I dislike and distrust all of the people in my life, all I want to do is be left alone and when interacting with others I’m prone to being angry and easy to yell. I don’t like this person that enters my body once a month but she’s been here about 41 years now and it is clear she isn’t going away.

This month things have been a little better, not because I feel differently or kinder but because I’m taking better care of myself. What that means is being hyper aware that my feelings are sensitive, avoiding situations where I am liable to take my feelings out on others and taking space and asking for help when I need it. My partner is so grateful that I’m doing this he is being even more supportive than his usual supportive greatness.

What I did differently yesterday when my daughter started to give me attitude was before I started to argue or engage I just sent her to her room. When she yelled and slammed the door on the way to her room I wanted to yell back and chase her up the stairs to let her know her behavior wasn’t acceptable but I didn’t. I took a few minutes for myself. I asked myself questions like “can you talk to her without yelling, what do you want to get out this interaction with her” and before going up I made sure that I wasn’t too angry to walk away if she was still a jerk. She was, of course she was she’s 14 but I walked away and let my partner address the behavior when he got home in a place of calm. He rewarded me with 30 minutes to myself to go for a walk for not making it worse with my usual grump. It was great, at the end of the walk he met me at the park with our younger child and the stroller and let me walk home with her. I felt so much better after the walk.

Now you would think I’d have learned how to get control over my feelings long before now, but unfortunately that is not the case. It is a minute by minute activity for me and I must say that I’m not proud of that but hey, I’m human. What I can say is that every day of my life I’m trying to be a better version of me, I constantly work on myself and try to do things that will help me and the people around me have better lives and for that I can be proud and grateful.
Now let’s talk about teenagers and toddlers. They suck and are wonderful all that the same time. Teen girls mood swings are almost as bad as my pre-menopausal swings and the self righteous attitude to go with makes me want to slap some sense into her but of course I do not do that. Tell me at what age do humans stop thinking everything revolves around them. At what age did I think to ask my mom how she was doing before launching into what was going on with me? I wonder these things when my daughter approached me in the middle of whatever I’m doing and expects immediate attention and for me to focus on her. UG! At least with the toddler you get that she doesn't understand anything but herself right now but by 14 you would think more pauses to recognize that mom is human happens right? Wrong! I’m expecting this to last until at least 30!

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