B8.9.12.17 Making a plan for self care
Finding my way back to feeling good again happens once a month. Being a creature driven by the moon or female cycles I go through a monthly emotional upheaval and depression that no amount of exercise, sex, friends, Al-anon, therapy or medications has ever gotten me over. So each month I isolate as much as I can and do what ever I can to trudge through the blah days until I can get back to feeling like myself again and hope that during my blue period I haven't made a mess of my relationships.
This last one was a doozie. With my mom having a terminal cancer diagnosis, having my mom move in to my home with my family and my entire schedule mucked up with daily drives to radiation treatment that takes at minimum 3 hours it is no surprise that my normal "mood" swing was more of a title wave that tide. I mucked up my relationships and did what ever I could to put my head in the sand instead of deal with the waves of emotions crashing down on me and once bottled up they all turned to a tsunami of rage that came to a crashing crescendo on Saturday. Thankfully once out and in the open I was able to wade through the wreckage with my partner and do some problem solving.
Days later I've put into place a new routine of daily exercise, healthy eating and daily processing of my feelings as prompted by reading from a book on grief. I also spent some time processing with my therapist today and received some great advise on a daily check in when faced with feeling overwhelmed, overexerted or just plan over my feelings. Ask myself if I can 1) simplify the problem, situation or issue in anyway, 2) ask for help to reduce the pressure and responsibilities I'm dealing with and final 3) set a boundary around my own needs and capabilities. This seems like a great 3 step tool kit I can carry through my impending grief storms.
Now what I want most is a schedule that will let me know what days I have to myself, how many days I have between meetings and self care activities and assures me that there is time for everything and everyone if I follow my own schedule. The schedule will come easier once I've nailed down a reliable baby sitter. ...
Today I guess what I'm feeling is that I can avoid feeling too much at once and in title wave fashion if I do active self care so that is what I'm focusing on. Today I'm also aware that I just want to be alone again and have time unscheduled so the next thing I need to do is ask for it.
This last one was a doozie. With my mom having a terminal cancer diagnosis, having my mom move in to my home with my family and my entire schedule mucked up with daily drives to radiation treatment that takes at minimum 3 hours it is no surprise that my normal "mood" swing was more of a title wave that tide. I mucked up my relationships and did what ever I could to put my head in the sand instead of deal with the waves of emotions crashing down on me and once bottled up they all turned to a tsunami of rage that came to a crashing crescendo on Saturday. Thankfully once out and in the open I was able to wade through the wreckage with my partner and do some problem solving.
Days later I've put into place a new routine of daily exercise, healthy eating and daily processing of my feelings as prompted by reading from a book on grief. I also spent some time processing with my therapist today and received some great advise on a daily check in when faced with feeling overwhelmed, overexerted or just plan over my feelings. Ask myself if I can 1) simplify the problem, situation or issue in anyway, 2) ask for help to reduce the pressure and responsibilities I'm dealing with and final 3) set a boundary around my own needs and capabilities. This seems like a great 3 step tool kit I can carry through my impending grief storms.
Now what I want most is a schedule that will let me know what days I have to myself, how many days I have between meetings and self care activities and assures me that there is time for everything and everyone if I follow my own schedule. The schedule will come easier once I've nailed down a reliable baby sitter. ...
Today I guess what I'm feeling is that I can avoid feeling too much at once and in title wave fashion if I do active self care so that is what I'm focusing on. Today I'm also aware that I just want to be alone again and have time unscheduled so the next thing I need to do is ask for it.
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